Fondness & Admiration: Glue for a Long-Lasting, Healthy Relationship

Once the initial excitement of a new relationship fades, and the busy day-to-day routines take over, it can be easy for things like our jobs, children, to do lists, and other responsibilities take precedence over our relationship, or we simply forget to let our partner know how much we care about them.  Perhaps you’ve felt or thought “Nothing I ever do is good enough”, or “Our relationship doesn’t feel like a priority”. It’s important not to become so busy that we forget to show our partner how much we care about them.

It can be easy to take for granted or assume that our partner knows how much we care for them simply because we’ve told them before, but it doesn’t hurt to let them know again. Fondness and admiration are essential for a healthy, long-lasting relationship. Below are tips to creating a culture of fondness and admiration in your relationship.

1.       Let your partner know they are valued.

For our relationships to be successful, our partners need to know we value and appreciate them. Showing your partner you value them can be challenging each person may prefer to receive appreciation in a different way. What are some ways to vocalize our appreciation to our partners?  Look for things your partner is doing “right” (tidying up the house or helping the kids with their homework, for example) and let them know you notice and appreciate their effort. Check in with your partner during the day to see how they are doing to let them know you are thinking and care about them.

2.       Focus on what you admire about your partner and share these thoughts with them often.

When life gets busy, we might miss the little things about our partner that we truly admire about them. If we slow down and pay closer attention, we can begin to notice some of our partner’s special qualities or positive characteristics.  Does your partner always make time to play with the kids? Let them know what a loving parent they are! Is your partner always willing to lend an ear or a helping hand to a friend in need? Let them know you admire their compassion. It might seem insignificant but sharing these thoughts with each other can help to create that culture of fondness and admiration in your relationships.

3.       Create rituals of affection.

Relationships go beyond date nights and weekend trips – creating shared meaning can help to create a deeper bond between you and your partner. One way to create shared meaning and foster a culture of admiration is through rituals. Rituals of affection are things you do daily that show deep affection and could include: having a few minutes of cuddling and pillow talk before going to sleep; having a 6-second kiss before beginning your workday; or planning a weekly date night. Though shared meaning and rituals, you and your partner can cultivate a deeper, richer and more affectionate relationship. 

4.       Dedicate at least twenty minutes each day to speak to each other.

Spend twenty minutes talking face-to-face every day just to catch up and talk about each other’s days – this improves communication which in turn improves connection. Spending time intentionally talking and getting to know our partners helps to build stronger love maps which helps us build stronger friendship and deepen our fondness and admiration. The days can be busy, so it might take some trial and error to find the right time to have these daily conversations.

It's important to prioritize our partner and our relationship. Fostering a culture of fondness and admiration in our relationship benefits the relationship and the family unit. When you and your partner both feel loved and valued, it allows romance and passion to flourish.